After reading my story you might say that there was a lot of effort put made to bring me and my husband together but I need to ask; did it really take a lot of effort? It seems to me that the universe did it all. For my part all I did was decide that I was ready to settle down, I mean REALLY ready. I started asking myself questions…Am I truly happy with this person? Do I or can I love this person? Am I what he wants in a life mate, or would I have to change? Is he what I want in a life mate or would he have to change? Would I wake up fifty years from now and want to smother him with the pillow…would he?
That’s when things started happening that gave me the answer; things like a job opportunity that presented itself or strange coincidences, like my sister meeting someone who created the link that I needed. I don’t want you to think that I then sat back and enjoyed the ride; No, I had to accept these gifts and follow where they lead.
When you are in a relationship with someone the idea is to get to know that person and to acknowledge all sides of them; this happens naturally when you spend time with them, both in their space and yours. Although I was happy with this amazing man, who made me laugh, made me think, treated me well and with respect; it seems to me now that something was highlighting the little things that I didn’t like and was asking me to decide if I could live with them. If you are or have been in a relationship you know what I’m talking about, and if you claim not to know; then you are in denial. All people have what might be called character or personality differences because we are all different because of where and how we were raised; and that’s fine, that’s how we’re supposed to be. The problem’s start when we refuse to acknowledge the differences that take the shape of things we don’t like; we do this because…he’s successful, good-looking, smart, and treats you well, in all aspects of the word ;). Who wants to give all that up?
We refuse to acknowledge for other reasons here are some…
- The relationship is new; we’re just getting to know each other…
- I know he has some ways that I don’t like but my love could change him…
- We’ve been together so long I really don’t want to go back into the dating pool.
I want to let you in on a secret…it usually isn’t the big things that destroy a marriage; it’s usually the little things that go unsaid, unchanged or unaccepted from the relationship stage; those little things become the root of the bigger problems that develop later.
- I chose to hold on to my relationship? What would happen?
- If I said nothing in the hopes that he would see that it bothered me?
- How much of myself would I have tried to change? I say try because we can only really change when we do it for ourselves not for what others want us to be.
- I accepted the things that I didn’t like; could he?
We will tackle each of these “un’s” one at a time, starting with…unsaid.
But that’s it for now…CLICK!